Welcome to, as Hitler might say ‘DAS LISZT’. I’ve tried to be objective, I’ve tried to analyse each British comedy in turn, and as a result my retina nearly fell into last night’s pasta. So instead of commiting a criminal act on myself, I have taken the following measures to ensure my won personal well being:

I have compiled this list based on what I think is the best. It’s obviously subjective, but then again so is Britney’s sanity. Feel free to discuss my excellent (and not so excellent) choices amongst your peers. It’s in no particular order by the way…

And here are my choices….

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Posted by: iccwc | May 21, 2007

Men, summed up in 100 words…

Food, sex, beer, sleep, moan, sleep, beer, food, sex, sex, erectile dysfunction, fridge, beer, moan, drive car fast, get speeding ticket fast, shave infrequently, burp loudly, turn-off women, demand sex, can’t get sex, pay for sex, still can’t get sex, sleep, body odour issues, not solved by some perfume, forget what soap looks like, offend every living thing, sleep, sleep, sex, sleep, beer, food, taco bell, 7 eleven, burp, sleep, closely resemble habits of a Sea Lion. Unlike women who break down only once a month – never a guarantee whether man will even be able to start his engine…

Posted by: iccwc | May 21, 2007

Women, women, women in 100 words…

Ladies / women. Bred from aliens millions of miles away on planet ‘Fear’. Robots designed to suck out both money and life from targeted male. Aliens manage to make them uncannily alluring to men of earth. Drawn in by special scent glands embedded in necks, and on front of chest. Due to complex programming, their levels of AI are such that logic is completely obliterated in conversation. Some flaws have been recognised though. Total inability to navigate, which belies their robotic manufacture. Requires service once every month – Men of the earth – take this opportunity to fight back – The earth needs you!

Posted by: iccwc | May 20, 2007

FA Cup final in 100…

This was always going to be difficult. Wembley looked nice. Should do for a billion. Speaking of a billion quid, Chelsea played United. Both sides defensive, both sides terrible. Essien starred for Chelsea. Rooney OK for Man United. Giggs had a chance. Didn’t score. Drogba had a chance missed. Pitch = Diabolomolical. This was the only thing that happened in 90 minutes. Feel life has been wasted. Watch in pub. Decide frontal lobotomy to be preferable to this. Extra Time. Drogba had a chance. Scored. End. Feel liberated. Understand what Terry Waite must have felt like… (but minus the grubby beard).

Good…

Bad…

…and the funny…

Posted by: iccwc | May 20, 2007

Alcohol in 100 words…

Life = Hard, booze = harder. Why do good intentions turn bad? Hangovers stink. Wallet empty. Feel a bit like a man who’s had a bad prostitute; feeling penniless and a bit dirty. In any other aspect of life you’d never pay this much to feel this bad. “Doctor can I have some tablets which will make me be sick on my girlfriends head and mistake her knicker drawer for a urinal please?”. Feel like liver has turned into lifeless yukka. Feel pretty yukka. Why do we bother? Because it feels GREAT…. Now here’s some drunken videos and I’m off to bed….

Posted by: iccwc | May 19, 2007

Today’s everything in 100

Ahh, where to start. FA Cup… 90-odd other sides couldn’t care less. Neutrals = Red, MOT’s = expensive. 100 quid for a cable. Lament bank balance. Ex-girlfriends = annoying, West Indies = Profligate.  Madeleine not found, question the press coverage when 100′s dying in Iraq. Frustrating. America lacking in humility, Blair seemingly impotent. Gordon Brown constantly smiling. Blair in Baghdad does it matter? How do you BBQ for a veggie. Stumped. Buy shit loads of cous cous. And mushrooms. Realise sleep without partner = Brilliant. Walking = Rubbish. Skimming Stones = Wrench shoulder. Can’t think of an appropriate video, so use these two instead…

Posted by: iccwc | May 18, 2007

Today’s gossip in 100

Big Brother is starting 2 days early, big bothered. Maybe a little (a lot) frightened. Call expensive Shrink in anticipation of loss of sanity and appetite. Moss and Peat cannot cohabit. Didn’t take a genius to work that out. Lindsay Lohan’s mum = manager. Car crash – waiting to happen. She’s dating Calum Best should you care. Best – Worst, Koalas – cute. Proper music fest kicks off in Brighton – Radio One takes arse fake music fest to Preston (oxymoron?). Hilton definitely going to Jail. Yippee. Going to need big jail. Gym class heroes release greatest single ever. Possibly. See video below for proof…

Posted by: iccwc | May 18, 2007

Today’s politics in 100…

Gordon is the Prime Minster finally, Tony hasn’t been for ages. Tony in US to talk to Bush who hasn’t been president for ages. Object, defeated. Queen leaves as Blair arrives – veeeeery suspicious. News frenzy re: The McCanns, must be hellish for them. Website clears 30 million hits. Incredible. “Hundred words” struggles to hit 30… See Nick Robinson on television. Laugh. Out of fear. Fail to contain surprise that father admits on Newsnight that he wouldn’t mind ANOTHER son dying in Iraq. Wonder about sanity. Attempt to find funny political video, fail miserably. Resort to John Prescott Mickey Taking: Enjoy…

Posted by: iccwc | May 18, 2007

Yesterday’s cricket in 100….

Lords Test, bloody cold, bloody rainy, started very bloody late. Too many Cooks would have made a lovely broth. What Owais of time Shah was. Sarwan’s first test as captain – average; My lunch – chicken salad. David Lloyd – hilarious, crabs – insufferable. Lord’s pitch wonky, a little like my mum’s extension. Mark Ramprakash scores 100 more runs than whole Lancashire team. Sussex look ‘Dooooomed Captain’. Think back to Australia series, cry a little. Think back to 80’s day-glo, singe eyes with molten peanut butter toast. Bored, browse youtube for cricket humour, and find below video. Better than the day’s play:

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